post-hiatus, post-high

i dunno what it is that made me wander back to this space...only to realise that it's already been more than two years. where does time fly to, seriously? time fascinates me. reading things from the past makes me completely baffled by the way there could have been a gap between "then" and "now", when only the now seems real, and yet the then could not have been too far from the now.
what then, and what now?
(haha.)
[laughing at my own joke is something i learnt from my sweet and endearing german lecturer whose patience really amazes m and i. how she patiently explains everything to c in class even when he asks the most inane questions.]
. . .
i'm quite fascinated by punctuation as well.
it's only recently that i'm sorta more assured that these little piques and interests are okay; they are not too weird, and somewhere, somebody actually feels the same way and thinks the same things. just nobody who tells me that's all. where do people go to find friends? don't they/you/we know? everybody's lonely inside. some just manage to flood the silence out, and postpone the realisation once again that it is true.

i cannot write poetry. but i'd love poetic prose. stringing the words together into lines and letting you hear the music i hear. it hurts, but beauty hurts too.

i believe in beauty, but i don't always believe in the beautiful.